Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore? OY! After 3 months of bacterial assault (most of which is not fit for printing - but we're gonna...), we have returned to the little black keys to resume our on-again, off-again documentary exhibitionism to the delight of literally dozens.Au moment, we seem to have pneumonia. C'est vrai, PNEUMONIA! Trouble breathing? Nope. Odd-colored sputum? Nope. Raspy chest sounds? Nope.
In fact, today is day 101 of Not Smoking! (Not even a cheater puff here or there.)
Some weeks ago, we were carted off to the Nephrologist (read: Kidney Doctor) for a battery of procedures. This included storing our urine in the refrigerator next to the milk for 24 hours. One morning, we awoke to see a note taped to the outside of the fridge:
"Dear Editor,
The new neighbors are pure filth.
I think they peed on something.
Evict them or I'm outta here.
Respectfully,
Milk"
It is a fact of the universe that if you must collect urine to be stored near your food, your urine will instantly become 12 times more pungent than usual. We had a Doppler Scan and discovered we have no approaching thunder storms in our midsection. We had a Sonogram and discovered that we are not with-child. And we provided a urine "chaser" at the doc's office for a culture.
In the end, all came back normal except for the culture which showed we had been invaded by an insidious organism called "Blahdiblahdiblah PNEUMONIAE". Google ran right out and got us a definition with which we could work and - sure enough - we had the big P. Curiously enough, we did not have the lung version of pneumonia. We had a urinary tract pneumonia.
Which explains why we haven't been breathing very well through the penis.
The months away from you, my lovelings, have been due to all manner of upheaval and an artistic recharging of the batteries. The Editor-in-Chief accidentally deleted the entire blog in a fit of Klonopin, Vicodin and
As our penis recovers from its breathing problems, we commit to posting as often as the spirit moves us. You should know that the down-time allowed for a complete remodel of the loo at our headquarters and the installation of some nouvelle lighting in the kitchen, as well.
We also took a little time off to nurture a teen-age crush on a man young enough to be our.... neighbor. (See above photo) The music may be a little hard on our nerves, but the young man is perfectly edible: Pierre Bouvier of the kiddy band "Simple Plan". It's a fixation of inappropriate intensity. But there you go.
Until next time, porkie pies!
