Get This Woman Some Choos

Joe Six-Pack, meet Sarah Six-Figures. Comes of late the word that the RNC (Really Nice Clothes) has spent north of $150,000 on nice duds for their VP (Very Pretty) Candidate, Sarah Palin. We say, "Well done!" But why stop there?

We noticed Cindy McCain trying to fight her way through a Botoxed facial coma to raise an eyebrow at the expenditures. "$150,000? Didn't they get her any shoes?" she seemed to ask. We applaud the bald revealing of conservative family values: Mother of 5? Spend $150,000 on your power suits while sneering at middle-class tax cuts as "socialism". Somewhere, Imelda Marcos is smiling. And buying shoes.

We are pleased that the RNC is investing in lipstick for their pig of a campaign as opposed to spending money running ads for embattled candidates like Michele Bachmann (MN), notoriously anti-gay Marilyn Musgrave (CO) and Norm Coleman, who, it appears, will lose to Al Franken/Stuart Smalley (also of MN) - a political death of biblical proportions. The quandary at NBC is who will play Franken while Franken plays Senator.

We encourage the RNC to continue the expenditures by upping the fashion ante. We highly recommend Hugo Boss, Chanel, Gucci, Prada and Vera Wang all be beneficiaries of this Republican stimulus package.

After all, in 2006, the joint income of the parents-of-four only reached $128,000 - not beating the RNC VP wardrobe budget until 2007 thanks to her governor's salary ($166,000). We believe that if you ask any family of 7 what would benefit them most, all but the Anti-Americans would say "Buy mama $150,000 in new clothes!"

It would have been cheaper to put her in a t-shirt that reads "Let Them Eat Cake".

Divide And Conk Her

(First, the obligatory mea culpa: I haven't blogged this year because, well, I was bored with it. And I rediscovered my (volunteer) theatre career. Two shows behind me and one ahead of me leaves me in a window of opportunity to finally comment via blog on current events. Thank you to both readers for prompting me to pay more attention to this medium. Now the good stuff...)

We are blogging this afternoon from an undisclosed location to protect ourselves from Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), a Real Pro-America American who has called out the dogs on the rest of us. And yes, Mr. Limbaugh, this is all about race. As a white man, we are particularly embarrassed and incensed by the actions of white folks on the deteriorating right wing of society. So grab an Oxycontin and prepare to be - as we say in gay lingo - re-butted.

Bachmann, the temporary freshman Congresswoman from Minnesota's 6th District, told MSNBC's Chris Matthews that an investigation of Congress would be welcomed by the American people to separate the Pro-Americans and Anti-Americans. We couldn't agree more. We're even willing to dust off our law degree to assist.

We'd like to separate out the Anti-Americans in Congress who believe it's good practice and policy to divide people based on race, religion, gender, political leanings and sexual orientation. We'd like to weed out the Anti-Americans in the media who think it's acceptable to spew racist nonsense at people whose worst mistakes have been to shill for the Bush Administration (no small mistakes, those). And we'd like to cull out the Anti-Americans who can smile pretty and call fellow Americans "Anti-American".

As we paraphrase in Chickopee, "There ain't but two kinds of people in the world: Them what thinks there's only two kinds of people and them what don't." Until the McCarthy/Palin ticket recognizes this simple wisdom and adjusts its actions accordingly, we in Chickopee will be bunkered under where the Amoco station used to be. Unless you're from here, you won't know where to find us. We have a radio, though. We'll be doing Anti-American things like praying that America will elect its first African-American President and, in a single, profound moment, do much to heal history's racial wound. We'll be donating to El Tinklenberg, running against Michele Bachmann. And we'll be pondering just how much Joe Lieberman got in exchange for his soul.

And we'll be reconciling our own visceral inclinations with what we know of Bill Ayers. We know it's probably wrong, but we're beginning to understand the atmosphere in which the Weather Underground operated. Four decades later, in a time dominated by Anti-American divisions among racial, class and gender boundaries, we are beginning to understand the urge to blow shit to pieces. In a hopefully temporary time when help for the hurting is "socialism", endorsing someone who shares your race is "racism", and disagreeing with the lunatic right is Anti-American, we choose to identify as Anti-American and do not wish to be mistaken for one of those who capitulate to the politics of divide and conquer.

We may again be Real Americans on November 5.