Once More...With A Twist

Tammy Faye made it back to church one last time at the end. She may have been only as much ash as 65 pounds of woman can make, but true to form, she handled the accessories as only she could.

At Tammy Faye's request, the service was conducted by the pastor of a gay church in Arkansas (one we are now committed to finding). Pastor Randy McCain, of Open Door Church in Sherwood, Arkansas did the honors. It seems that the original religious programmer didn't miss one last chance to produce a show with a message. "My friend, Randy McCain", she said in her final instructions concerning her burial. We wonder if the public memorial will be produced with an eye to the masses who would shrink from such an overt embrace of gay Christians. If so, we expect Tammy will be spinning in her urn somewhere.

It's said the smallest acts of kindness are the ones that change the world - if not on a grand scale, then for someone. As a gay person, it is humbling that Tammy Faye thought about me in some abstract way as she choreographed her final moments on life's stage. It's a gesture like this that can end up being a defining moment in a culture shift. It's not up there with the Freedom Riders or the Stonewall Riots or the Garbage Worker Strikes, but it's of note. And we thank Tammy's children for staying true to their mama's wishes. They didn't have to do that.

We've long maintained that if circumstances alter your theology, you probably need a new theology. Tammy Faye confirmed for us that there is a right and wrong way to embrace religious faith. The wrong use of it was as a bludgeon, she demonstrated. The right way was as a self-directing force that didn't waiver as the road became rocky - or perilous - or clearly ending in cruel demise. "God on the mountain...God in the valley", an old song says. All in or all out. Go big or go home.

They could have scrubbed Mama's legacy clean by picking any one of dozens of big-name, mainstream preachers to honor the original Queen of Christian TV. Tammy, herself, could have phoned in a final interview that was only hours before her death, given her appearance and physical pain. It seems she passed on some values of integrity, compassion, and steadfastness to her kids who have reason to hold their heads high when the mourning is over.

We note for contrast that the Very Dead Rev. Falwell was associated even at his funeral with the demonizing of Gay and Lesbian people - and anyone who disagreed with his theopolitical posture. Grace is something you just can't teach, we conclude. You've either received it and have it to give. Or you don't.

We're a little less without the laughing that she inspired. We're a little heavier without the optimism that she took with her. And we wonder if we'll have another prominent Christian who will hug HIV-positive people at Gay Bingo Night any time soon. Regardless, we look forward to shaking her tiny hand at the big Y'all Come in the sky someday.

Just to say, "Thanks!", if nothing else.

Getting Ahead Of The Story

Confession: Once a Pentecostal, always a Pentecostal. You can become a boozehound, a hooker, an axe murderer or John Ashcroft, but when le jeu s'en fait, you'll be a Pentecostal first. Because of this, we have an enduring soft spot for that spectacle di tutti spectacles: Tammy Faye.

As a child, we were transfixed by her heart-rending daily appeals on TV. We knew ladies who cried in church at the drop of a hat, so watching Tammy's makeup run down her face was not unusual. That's what ladies did. Sure, she was a lot more tarted up than Grandma would have recommended, but her theology was spot-on where we were concerned. Her singing was an acquired taste - but her enthusiasm and sincerity were unmistakable. Tammy Faye was O.K.

When everything went south, it was her weaselly husband we blamed. Tammy Faye was as much a victim as everybody else when PTL became SOL. We winced when she divorced the bum, because we just don't do things like that. Then again, we like to think we don't embezzle and commit wire fraud or whatever the hell else he did. We also like to think our husbands wouldn't do Jessica Hahn. Apocalyptic leanings notwithstanding, we tend to be an optimistic lot.

We watched as Tammy Faye started over with Roe Messner, a builder from our own backyard (almost literally). We whispered about whether there was something afoot before it became official, but nobody could bring himself to say aloud that they thought Tammy Faye might have had her eye on another option pre-divorce. We bought a t-shirt splotched with colors in an abstract smiley face design: "I Ran Into Tammy Faye At The Mall." We wore it only a few times, guiltily, and retired it. Taking a swing at Tammy Faye was like running over kittens with a lawnmower. You could do it. It just wasn't very satisfying and she really hadn't earned it.

Years later, we thrilled to the documentary "The Eyes Of Tammy Faye", when she defied convention and embraced gay folks for who they are - theology be damned. Without giving away who she was and what she believed, Tammy threw the door wide open for us to join her in faith. She put a heavily pancaked face on "Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged". She made it OK to be nice to gay and lesbian people if you identified as a Christian. And she made it OK to identify as a Christian if you were gay. For this, we will always be grateful to Tammy Faye. And we won't speak ill of her in life or her death - God forbid.

We watched her on Larry King and thought that she must have given a lot of thought to going on camera. Here was a woman who had made her name on her appearance - whether you liked it or not. When she had tipped her hat to ridicule, she still refused to soften the eyeliner, take off the lashes, or lighten the rouge. Now, at 65 pounds and only barely alive, she painted what was left and held herself remarkably upright to reveal the most intimate details of her demise. We thought her to be a woman of incredible integrity: Having made her bones and her money in front of the camera, she wouldn't retreat from it at the end. Live by the pixel, die by the pixel.

It would be a wonderful affirmation of everything we, as Pentecostals, believe if Tammy Faye were to be "raised up" from her bed of affliction and kick cancer. If she isn't raised up, we'll be among the legions who remember her fondly. We hope to be as gracious at our own end as she is in hers. Here is this excerpt from her Web site's front page:

"Dear Friends,

It has been such a long time since I've written and I am so sorry for the long delay. I have been in bed for almost a year now. I have times when I feel good and times when I feel really bad. But, I have learned one thing about feelings. They have NOTHING TO DO WITH FAITH IN GOD!! He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He NEVER changes. That is what the Bible says and God's word does not lie EVER!

...I ask in great humbleness that you pray that I will be able to eat without it coming back up. I crave hamburgers and french fries with LOTS of ketchup! When I can eat that again, it will be a day of victory!

In closing, I want you to know that I am praying for you and your loved ones and I am believing God for complete healing. God is a healer of EVERYTHING!

I will let you know when I get to eat my hamburger! HA!

Love,
Tammy Faye"

God Bless. 'Nuff said.