Kennedy Plot - 40 Years Later

This will surprise no one who follows such things. Forty years later and we're still trying to figure out who's targeting Kennedys.

First it was President John, he of the unfortunate combination of a bad back, a raging libido and a zaftig goomah. His alleged gunman, Lee Harvey Oswald was served justice at the end of a gun barrel before he could talk. Then came (or went, as it were) Bobby. Again, Sirhan Sirhan said Nothing Nothing about who or what motivated him to bust a cap where Bobby's cap would be. Then there was Teddy, who not even Oldsmobile could design a vehicle to contain at the bottom of the Chappaquiddick.

Never happy, conspiracy theorists have pondered how many bullets, which angles, which participants and how many, from which building(s), grassy or weedy knolls, the complicity of the FBI, the Mafia, Cuba, Russia and various Bouvier cousins and Marilyn Monroe paramours as likely culprits - and that's just ONE of the Kennedy whacks.

Today being the happy news that these lonely souls finally get something new to chew: A thwarted bomb plot to put a hole in a fuel line at JFK airport. (When the guy is too dead, kill his airport: Terrorism 102). What the alleged terrorists fail to grasp, however, is that we have yet to satisfy ourselves as to how the first two Kennedy killings occurred. And then we have the whole John John airplane boo-boo to address. Then there will be Jackie's Cancer: Plot or Unhappy Cellular Defect? The list will be never ending. These are our soap opera family. They can never be simply and quietly dead. Just as Princess Di will never have died in a car accident, no Kennedy will ever have died of a simple assassination, plane crash or disease. It comes with the territory.

To think that our nation will grind its collective self to a halt to mourn an airport (really...an airport?) named for a man whose own death is not yet off the ramble radar.

If encouragement is to be found in this tidbit, it is that Muslim extremists apparently understand us as little as we understand them. We don't get the Burka. They don't get the Kennedy Pecking Order: John, Bobby, Teddy, John John, Jackie, Marilyn and THEN the airport. It would be the year 2236 before we ever got around to holding a commission to investigate. After all, LaGuardia and Newark are right there. This is going to ground our economy, as it were? No.

Not to give aid and comfort to our hapless "enemy", but if you want to bring the American Economy to a sobering standstill, hit one Wal-Mart and one McDonald's in one suburban community - and fuck up the traffic light in front of the Target. It's just that easy. We are not a complicated people. We want panty hose at 3 a.m., a burger at midnight, and the opportunity to squeeze cabbage at 11:30 p.m should the spirit move us. Take that away and you have destroyed the American Dream. Knock out JFK Airport and we'll just fly around it.

Look how giddy we were to avoid Reagan National all those years - and not just for the namesake. Dimwits.

On the bright side, a Polish man awoke from a coma after 19 years and immediately launched into a traditional happy dance upon learning that not only was communism dead, but Ronald Reagan was, too! Informed that a man with a C- average from Yale was now president of the venerable U.S., he exclaimed in hobbled English, "Now I know all things possible - even for brain dead man like me!"

Truer words were never spoken.