No Experience Required

Normally, you need a degree in Political Science, Military Mayhem, or something similar to figure these things out. That's why we have politicians. And FOX. They tell us what to think when we couldn't possibly figure things out for ourselves.

Today's headline in the morning paper repeated yesterday's news that Gen. Peter Pace, current chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and highest ranking military officer, would not get another shot at making shit up as he goes in front of Congress. Now, that was just mean.

We should say that he won't get a second chance to repeat the administration's lies with a straight face in front of Congress. We give Pace the benefit of the doubt on this one. Hell, they got Colin Powell to gut his entire future for Gee Dub's Folly. Whose arm wouldn't they twist?

The genius part of the commentary associated with this - and the part that normally requires high-level analysis, lengthy public service, and an alphabet soup of initials after one's name - is what Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, had to say about the development. You see...until just the other night, Pace was still Gates' guy. If this had happened in our social circle, we would be speculating that somebody walked in on somebody with somebody - but this isn't like that. Well...we don't think it's like that. They won't let us in the military, how would we know? (Official After Therapy Statement Of Clarification: We Don't Want In. Send Your Own Damn Kids If You Like War.)

No, Sec. Gates (aka The Man Who Isn't Rumsfeld Anymore) says that he was notified by Congressional leaders on both sides of the aisle that Pace's confirmation hearing would be overwhelmed by the Iraq War's past and not its future. Chew on that one for a minute.

Apparently, Secretary Gates had high hopes for a Miss Cleo, Sylvia Browne, crystal ball process where Iraq is concerned. Since we have nothing much to talk about in the future tense regarding Iraq, by necessity, we will have to focus on what has gone down (and out..and wrong...and awry...and...and) up to now. That's the past. Those are the things we can analyze. For our Republican friends and loyal readers, we call that "history". It's the things that have really happened that aren't written in the Bible. It's fairly new. But we like it.

There's a theory that's been bandied about over the last couple of centuries that those who do not remember or who fail to understand "history" are doomed to repeat it. It's just a theory. But you gotta admit...it seems to hold some water. Regrettably, Secretary of Defense Gates wants no part of "history" in the discussion about who should lead the military going forward. We get that. They don't have anything good to talk about unless you count dragging Saddam out of a curiously-placed hole, ripping his head off, and the botched photo-op of Our Very Finest rubbing an Amurrican flag in a statue's face before we helped them pull it from its moorings.

So on we move. The next victim/liar/pawn/obfuscator/perpetrator to carry this failed president's water on Iraq should be Navy Admiral Mike Mullen. We're developing a theory at After Therapy that the chairman of the Joint Chiefs is chosen from among those men whose first and last names begin with the same letter. We have a standing offer of $0.50 to anyone who can send us documentation of senior military officials changing their names to avoid the Repeating Initials phenomenon. Our theory makes at least as much sense as any other. Who, in their ever-lovin' right mind, would volunteer to drive this train for the last 1,000 feet of its 50,000 feet plunge off the cliff?

We're convinced beyond all discussion that this is one of those jobs from which you are automatically disqualified by virtue of your willingness to do it. (Like being Paris Hilton's attorney, for example.) But on we will go, with a keen eye to whether Admiral Mullen can navigate the Senate confirmation process and avoid talking about anything that has happened in Iraq up to now. We rather thought this was at the root of the entire Gee Dub Problem: failure to know and understand what the past can teach us. Now we get a primo opportunity to confirm the idea, if not the Admiral.

Meanwhile, back on Capitol Hill, People Who Matter are buzzing about whether Hillary gave her folks a sugar-coated veneer when she autobiographized herself. It's good to know somebody has their eye on the really important things this time around.