Mark Uhl, a student at Liberty University is being held in prison for building "slow burn" bombs intended to deter protesters at Jerry Falwell's funeral today.In a hardly ironic twist, the bombs contained gasoline and detergent - apparently a "clean bomb" designed to wash your clothes while they incinerate. In Jesus' name, of course.
Assisted, allegedly, by a Fort Benning soldier and an unknown third party (thus achieving the ever-desirable Bombing Trinity), Mark officially gave up prayer as the Christian weapon of choice. He embraced, instead, the Falwell-inspired Bomb Thrower approach to dealing with dissent. None of the thousands of mourners understood why such an offense would be punishable by imprisonment.
The coffin was draped with a What Would Jerry Do? embroidered quilt and attendees received a funeral fan with Falwell's massive mug on one side and How To Build A Bomb With "New Gain Mango Tango" Detergent on the other.
Most tellingly, no one from Falwell's Liberty University, Falwell's Thomas Road Baptist Church, Falwell's family or any Baptist denomination denounced the action as terroristic and counter to Christian principles.
No one expected they would. Instead, Falwell's sons issued a statement in their father's memory blaming People For The American Way, Lesbians, the ACLU, and the ABC Fall Lineup for the bombing that didn't quite happen. No bombs were found among the protesters. When asked, Ariel Moonlight Dawn, a vegan pansexual female impersonator of Middle Eastern descent, said, "None of the Republican presidential candidates are here. Why would anybody bring a bomb? Sheesh."
And they say one's legacy takes decades to identify.
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