First Amendment, Last Resort

I've long thought that the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was the last resort of mean-spirited bigots. But I admit I laughed myself into cramps when I heard Angry White Men defending one John (Don) Imus on the basis of the First Amendment's protection of free speech.

Having spent three years acquiring a law degree, I thought I'd use my soapblog to disabuse people everywhere of their misguided legal notions.


WHAT DOES IT SAY?

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH NAPPY-HEADED HO'S?

In short, nothing. The 1st Amendment prevents the government from doing certain things, not CBS, NBC, ABC, and the like. The former I-Man's speech was not abridged in any way. No one stopped him from calling people nasty names. His speech even made it on the airwaves. No one threw him in jail or even brought a civil suit against him for his speech. His speech was freer than a gas station toilet.

What these yahoos are yammering about are the consequences of this nitwit's speech. And nobody promised you consequence-free actions. The constitution is silent on that count. Nowhere in the constitution does it require any newspaper, radio station, or TV program to carry your speech. You may speechify until you are blue in the face, but Ford, GM and Sprint aren't required to foot the bill for it. So the double-firing (an accomplishment by any standard) breaches no tenet of the Constitution or its several amendments. The sponsors' prior pullout from the program has nothing to do with free speech.

"Yes, but TV and radio time doesn't come cheap," you say. True enough. Those corporate behemoths who have consolidated their collective clutch on our remaining print and over-the-air outlets (right under our noses, in the name of Free Markets) now have the power to set the price, the content, and the consequences of non-compliance. So while you're free to say whatever your blackened heart desires (absent crying "Fire!" in a crowded theatre when there is no such fire), you are not entitled to have it publicized for free.

This is why we have a small number of odd public access channels across the continent. White-haired men spewing End Of The World blasphemy, little old ladies extolling the virtues of white supremacy, and wannabe rappers extolling the glories of their ride, libido and bitches fill the time for free out of the goodness of somebody's heart. But CNN isn't going to repeat it for them on the crawl 24/7 while Anderson Cooper looks remarkably good for having spent a week in Darfur.

No, free speech is not abridged when an Imus calls some butch basketball players "nappy-headed ho's" and ends up on the bread line. The constitution is intact, despite the consequences that follow one's speech. (Every 4th grade kid who ever called the fat girl "fat" understands that while you're free to say it, you're likely to get your ass kicked by a fat girl in the process.) That's just how the world works - in this part of the world.

Hiding behind the First Amendment will serve you well in spewing what you want to spew.

But you'd better watch out for the fat girl. She usually packs a helluva punch. And there's no amendment I can find that will hide you from her.