OY! The CRITICS!

You post once in six months and it takes less than 24 hours for somebody to volunteer their editorial remarks.

Dear Nancy,

Yes, I overlooked Jericho. Yes, I live in Kansas. But one must understand our sensitivity to Kansan media portrayals.

First they Wizard of Oz'd us. Then they In Cold Blood-ed us. Now they've Jericho'd us. In one, we were overrun by midgets. In the next, we had overtly homosexual coverage of an inherently heterosexual crime. We pretend we didn't notice when Matt Dillon and company invaded Lawrence for "The Morning After" or "The Day After" or whatever the hell it was called. (We just called it "The Month Matt Dillon And A Bunch Of The Crew From That Movie Hung Out At Our Gay Bar".) As for Jericho...well...I don't know what they're thinking.

I wish I hadn't viewed the South Park Movie - Bigger, Longer and Uncut while assembling my IKEA Microwave Cart. (As Suzanne Westenhoefer points out, "You buy a spatula at IKEA, it comes in two boxes with an Allen wrench.") Skeet Ulrich is therein depicted on a poster above the bed where Satan and Sadaam Hussein consummate their relationship. Spoiled me on Skeet for good. And not just because I assumed from the title that I'd be watching porn.

I like Jericho. I do. But, just as I was jilted by The 4400, Invasion, and The Edge of Night -- CBS has decided that I'll only be interested in following the story every 8 weeks or so. They overestimate my attention span. I watched March Madness. I even filled out a bracket. (I had to pay a $250 fine to keep my Queer Card for that. It went to a Lesbian Breast Cancer Awareness Outreach.) But for God's sake...when you have a serial WhatDunnit that is raking in the ratings, you might want to think about finding a slot for it while the tall boys in loose shorts play their games.

We're leery of embracing Jericho here in Mayberry. We have a reputation of being a tad intolerant toward those who are "diffurnt" or "furrin'". I don't know what, in the white sheets of history, would give people that notion. The story line of Jericho is leaning heavily toward making the people of color the Bad Guys. And, well, we're trying to rehab a tarnished image in these parts. So we offer an official "No Comment" on Jericho as public policy. I don't think our Very Own Democrat Governor has even referred to it. The neighbors don't watch (I asked), because it has black folks in it. They're not prejudiced. There's a local fishing show that only has white people and green fish in the same time slot. And the fish are new every week. They promise.

I also overlooked Jericho in my TV Review post because I hit that magic moment when the Klonopin outranked the Keyboard. My fellow pill-poppers will understand.

Thank you for bringing this oversight to my attention. And lest I be upbraided for being incomplete....I give it a solid B....for Black Folk.

I also seem to have overlooked Grey's Anatomy. Love it! Callie O'Malley for President. I can't tell you how disappointed I was, however, to learn that Callie really is a GIRL! Those Dove commercials broke my heart. This is the only A Grade on the block - Isaiah Washington's externalized homophobia notwithstanding. Some nights I fall asleep to the idea of McDreamy coming to my queer defense to restore my dignity, dry my tears, and take my pants off. Big fan. And thanks to McSteamy, I am once again considering plastic surgery. But only if I can stay awake and only if he'll do it naked. I have a couple shirts that can accomodate a B-cup.

Peace Out!