Wednesday, April 11, 2007

They're Everywhere!

This man is an asshole:


If you asked yourself, like I did, "Why is this guy famous?", it's because he's on T.V. in not one but TWO programs you've never seen. Both of the shows are on MTV, which means nobody over the age of 23 even cares they exist.

The boy (he's 20...can you imagine what that hairline's gonna do at 30?) was arrested for the third time since September. The first time, he punched a city worker and a tow-truck driver. (Bad idea. They carry heavy weaponry: tire irons, crow bars, wrenches, chains, etc.) In May, he'll begin serving 60 days in jail for that little faux pas. He also has to attend AA meetings, which I think is grossly unfair to those who are serious about giving up the hooch. He also received a one-day, all-access pass to the Museum of Tolerance on account of he used racial slurs. Let it not go unsaid: If he used a racial slur on a tow-truck driver and lived to tell about it, either he has more than one guardian angel or that tow truck driver should apply for a job at Rutgers.

In March, he was arrested in Greenville, NC for underage drinking and resisting a police officer. (Let it be noted that there is likely not much else to do in Greenville. ) I understand the former. We all had a wee nip before the law approved. But I have never once resisted the PO-lice. Not even the ugly ones.

Now, on Easter of all days, the drunken slob punched a Seattle Marriott security guard in the mouth! (Disclaimer: We once worked for Marriott, and understand the occasional urge to assault various employees. However...) He was removed from the mid-level hotel's premises and returned later - only to be found passed out in a hallway. (No word on whether he was naked.)

As a slow riser, I too, have something of an attitude upon being roused from a peaceful slumber, be it in the Good Chair, the bed or your average hotel floor (no details available at press time). However, when this youngun was awakened from his slumber by the PO-lice, he had the poor judgement to call a white officer a "nigger" and a "faggot". We tried to confirm whether the latter was true but was told that the blogger is "not his type". We contend this does not answer the question. The officer's name is C. DePina. We would appreciate any information (and pictures) that our Seattle readers might provide.

The AA experience will offer him the chance to get his hooch under control. The Museum of Tolerance should keep him from calling people with chains (and people who aren't black) "nigger". But no word at this time of how they plan to rehab his "faggot" slur. I suggest they make he and Isaiah Washington soak their hands in hair color and breathe permanent fumes at the Hair Dressing School of their choice. Or give them a day with their nads tucked into their abdomen and their wangs pulled up between their buttcheeks while they follow Harvey Fierstein around in 5-inch stilettos and fishnets. It is not easy being a queen. And it's about time somebody learned it.

The asshole lives in Laguna Beach, CA. His name has been held until the end of this post so that his deeds would precede his identity. Wouldn't it be great if that were always true? "First, you should know that this is a man who cheated on his wheelchair-bound lover with a hustler, a crack dealer, and a dalmatian. His name is Trevor." It would keep us all from falling into a lot of unfortunate circumstances. Don'tcha think?

His name is Jason Wahler. Almost rhymes with "Asshole", doesn't it?

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