Deaf Lesbians Near ExtinctionBy now you've probably read the headline: "Deaf Lesbian Gets Death Penalty In Chainsaw Murder Of Deaf Lesbian". No guarantees here, but I'm bettin' that's a first. On a lot of counts.
Daphne Wright (left) was convicted of the gruesome murder of Darlene VanderGeisen. Denee Daniels, a cashier at Ace Hardware Store, said that Wright paid cash for a $52.99 electric chainsaw and returned later that same afternoon to buy oil for the blade. (I did not make that up.) Let it not be said that our lesbians don't know their way around a power tool.
I confess to not having contemplated the suddenly shrinking numbers of deaf lesbians in recent years. So as not to be considered discriminatory, neither have I contemplated the numbers of deaf baby seals, deaf bald eagles, or deaf white guys. We had a deaf couple up the street when I was growing up. Nice folks: quiet, had nice kids with whom we played, never talked with their hands full. In fact, the state's School For The Deaf was mere blocks from our home. Many a night, we would sit outside in the fall air and listen to the crickets outchirp the cheering from their football stadium. That's not mean. It just is.
I should go on record as being against Chainsaw Massacres of any type against anyone. I am four-square opposed to cutting people up - unless it is to harvest parts that may prolong my own life and more-or-less has the consent of the person being mutilated. But this story grabbed my attention as having one-upped the "Man Bites Dog" headline. This raises the bar to "Baby Seal Clubs Baby Seal, Gets Club Sentence".
They might have considered a teensy-weensy bit of leniency for her having knocked Imus off the CNN crawl for at least a few minutes. Come to think of it, she probably deserves the needle for having hacked up the wrong hack. Hindsight. Whatcha gonna do?
You're not gonna top this one for a long, long time. If you live to be 100, you are unlikely to ever again see the conviction of a black, deaf lesbian who hacked up her deaf lover's new deaf lesbian girlfriend....and got a lethal injection for her efforts.
This calls for a campaign. "Save The Deaf Lesbians!" (From each other, if nothing else.)
3 comments:
I have the dubious honor of living and working in Sioux Falls, where all of this has taken place... Needless to say, I have read a LOT of the headlines surrounding this fiasco. I've also made my fare share of jabs about this story -- its quite popular fodder around the office -- but I have NOT laughed so hard as I did when I read your bit. Thank you for making my evening.
Dear anonymous,
We here at So My Therapist Says can certainly appreciate the wisdom of anonymity, seein's how this happened in one's own backyard and all. We also appreciate your more than kind comments. If it plays well in the back yard, we consider to have done right well. The question arises, and perhaps you can help us, "Do you think the deaf lesbian didn't realize how LOUD the chainsaw method would be?" Or do you think she was just that pissed?
Tom
This too, is a question of some debate around the office as one of my co-workers lives, literally, five houses down the street from the scene of the actual murder. Since Sioux Falls is otherwise pretty dull, considerable time and resources have gone into analyzing and vaguely reporting every aspect of this whole ordeal. The basic thinking goes that the fact that she (Ms. Write) used an ELECTRIC chainsaw is what allowed her to do this in the privacy of her own home without raising the suspicions of the neighbors. I have never used an electric chainsaw because no self-respecting prairie man would do such a thing, but I will say that I could forsee it being quite a lot quieter than its gas-powered cousin.
All of that said, it still doesn't off-set the juxtaposition of irony and carnage. Of course, South Dakota has had a variety of odd news events -- need I remind you all of the Zip Feed Tower? Google it sometime, or better, search for it on YouTube. Long-story short, it was the tallest structure in the state (*hang head in shame*) and when they tried to blow it up, the botched it... it turned into the Leaning Tower of Zip. Quite amusing since the contractor had boasted -- IN THE PAPERS -- that it was, "a slam dunk."
Fare thee well my neurotic friend.
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