BREAKING NEWS: A Queer Disney Wedding

I have outlived the improbable. Who'dathunk? Disney, the self-proclaimed Happiest Place On Earth, has given its official stamp of approval to Gay Marriage and has offered to host.

I've been to Disneyland. I assume they'll be catering in from L.A.

Let the rumblings begin. If James Dobson, Jerry Falwell and Phyllis Schlafly don't have a harmonic aneurysm within the news cycle, I'll eat my sex toys. The Teletubby, Sponge Bob, Aladdin "Look! A Penis!" crowd will have a heyday. But they'll miss the point entirely.

Assuming that anybody saves "it" for marriage anymore, can there be anything more disconcerting than taking your newly wedded beau on a post-nuptial boat ride to the strains of "It's A Small World"? Size isn't everything. But it certainly isn't nothing, either. And nobody needs the stress of thinking you might have purchased a Small when you really take a 2X.

I love the idea that Mickey, Minnie and Donald might someday attend my coupling. I am not fond of the cheap-shot possibilities concerning Pluto circling Uranus... or my anus. Nobody gets rimmed by a dog without an illegal use of Peanut Butter. (Not that I would know. But I read a LOT.)

And you tell me... Is any queen on his day going to stand for Cinderella flouncing around in pastel blue glory on His Big Disney Day? I don't think so. I once watched a de-wigging between drag queens over nothing more than a shade of nail polish. Cindy might want to consider applying at The View as a permanent replacement for the Still Shrinking (I Used To Be A) Star Jones.

Speaking of The View... TV has never been better than this. Our Gal Rosie is lobbing bombs with more ferocity and accuracy than G.W. Bush. And her Texas accent is better. Who wasn't waiting for somebody to bitch slap La Trump? Only a lesbian would body slam Kelly Ripa for making less than nice with Clay "Let's Pretend I Don't Have Sex" Aiken. And you have to give her some credit for the latest jaw-whomper: the temperature at which steel melts. The ol' gal took high school physics and alleged The Mother Of All Cover-Ups re: 9/11. Hey, even if she's full of shit, at least she's honestly full of it. That's more than any of Babs Bush's Boys can say.
Let's hope Barbara Walters has the requisite balls to keep her around.

(If she had asked, we'd have told her that lesbians are hard to live with - unless you are one. Much like the Box Elder Bug, once you have one, you pretty much have to burn the place down to get rid of them.)

Any guesses as to who will be the first to jump the ancient animated broom? Since Jodie and Anderson ended up more-or-less outed on the cover of Out Magazine recently, maybe they'll go all the way, as it were, and confirm for us all that it is, indeed, "A Whole New World"...whether you bagged a beauty or a beast.

M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E.